Interlude — Fallen streaks

I used to be afraid of days like these. As someone who lives with OCD, compulsions are a close friend who has overstayed his visit many times over! The scariest of compulsion is not the one involved in performing an activity following another, but instead not stopping something once it begins. What often makes me appear consistent and disciplined is this very unreasonable fear.

This morning it paid me another visit. Last night I ducked to bed at 7PM looking to get a quick nap before I tended to my commitments. Lo and behold, I open my eyes and it's 4am the following morning. This lapse in responsibility was very significant, as for the past 32 days I had not missed a workout, meditation or taking my nightly pills. In one fell swoop, all streaks were broken, and upon realising this, my heart sank and my anxiety began to boil.

But I have learned something over the past few months. I have learned that emotional intelligence is not indicated by how well we can keep our emotions at bay, but rather how deep into them we can travel while retaining our sense of self.  

And so, I sat with that fear and anxiety. I allowed it to point me at its origins and the walls that have been built around it, and I saw fears that no longer belonged to me. I will not die from a mistake or momentary lapse in commitment. This journey is long and it will only be made short by the compulsion to refuse deviation; we only evolve when things change.

Every restart is an opportunity to walk the same route, but this time with greater knowledge. Embrace change, my friend; re-evaluate & recommit.

Be you, be great!

Further reading

Showing up daily looks very different from what we might expect. Sarah Arnold-Hall illustrates it perfectly.